Are You Seeking a Suitable Marriage Partner?

Brian Kuehmichel
August 7, 2010

"We need to teach our daughters how to distinguish between a man who flatters her and a man who compliments her...a man who spends money on her and a man who invests in her...a man who views her as property and a man who views her properly... a man who lusts after her and a man who loves her...a man who believes he is God's gift to women and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man... And we need to teach our boys to be THAT man." Source unknown / Chick Norris

Let me speak freely to help you in your journey to seek a suitable lifetime partner in marriage. This woman is that one person with whom you may, by God's blessing, have the closest friendship, enjoy the most time, share the most important parts of yourself, make plans, work together for God's glory, grow in relationship with God and Christ, and bring forth children to also love the Lord of heaven and earth.

The Purpose of Marriage is for two separate individuals (male and female) to join together in holy bonds and then to work together in the journey of life doing the service God has prepared you for and asks of you to labor to accomplish. Your wife, whoever that person will be, agrees to join you in that journey and remain with you unto death.

Remember in Genesis 1:26-29 where God says: "God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth." and Gen 2:7-8 "Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. The LORD God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed." and vs 15 " Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it." and vs 18 "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.'"

These verses in Gen 2:22-24 set the foundation for marriage: "The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, "This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

Note several things in these Scripture verses:

I. Man is established as family leader for he is created first in Gen 2:7,

II. And before woman was created he (man) was given a duty in Gen 2:8 & 15,

A. That duty was general:

1. to explore, develop, use the earth and all that is in it, and much more - "subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

2. to marry, produce children and teach them to obey God, and then send them forth to do the same duties God gave to the first man - "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth."

B. And specific: That each man is given purpose to carry out specific to him and his abilities. (Gen 4:2, 20-22, 6:14, Ex 35:33-35, Ex 36:8, 1 Chr 22:15, 2 Chr 26:14-15, Mat 25:15, 1 Pe 4:11)

III. After man understood his need for a suitable helper Gen 2:20 (not just anyone) he was to seek out that suitable helper that God was preparing and bringing for him in vs 22.

IV. Then the special union of marriage is stated in Gen 2:23 "man shall . . .be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh."

V. Jesus emphasizes this when He says in Matt 19:6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Here Jesus brings out two points.

A. God joins them together as one - no one else is special like that one partner in marriage. (Song of Solomon 5:16) [no secrets, no hidden agendas, no neglect, no selfishness, all is done together to carry out God's commission for man.]

1. Every man is commanded to love his wife. (Eph 5:25-28; Col 3:19)

2. Every man is commanded to love his Christian brother/sister. (John 13:34-35; 15:12-17; Rom 12:10; Gal 5:13; Eph 4:2; 1Th 4:9; He 13:1; 1 John 3:14)

3. Every man is commanded to love his neighbor. (Lev 19:18; Matt 19:19; 5:21, 27, 43; 22:39; Mk 12:31-33; Lk 10:27; Rom 13:8)

4. Every man is commanded to love his enemy. (Matt 5:42-48; Rom 12:20)

B. Every man (or woman) must honor what God joined together in every other marriage and must work to keep their own marriage. (Matt 19:6)

C. For Christians there are two more duties added:

1. Show love toward God by loving your brother and your neighbor. (Matt 22:37-39)

2. And then go into all the world and make disciples. (Matt 28:19-20)

Have you met someone who seems reasonably suitable? This brings you to a necessary visit with her family where you get to know this woman and her parent's family sufficiently to make sure she is the "suitable helper" for the journey God is directing you to do? You do this with their permission to facilitate this journey of discernment and relationship building with integrity.

At the same time she and her parent(s) will be seeking to understand you sufficiently to make sure you are some one:

1) with whom she can enjoy Christian fellowship, (1 Cor 7:39; Pro 22:24; Lk 12:4; 2 Cor 6:14; Rom 10:9, 1Jn 1:3, 7)

2) become a lifelong friend, (Pro 17:17; 18:24; Song of Solomon 5:1, 16)

3) and that she should follow as teacher and leader, (1 Tim 2:13; 1 Cor 9:5; Eph 5:22-33)

4) that as an husband you will be her defender and protector, (Eph 5:25, 29)

5) in marriage will be her lover, (Eph 5:28; Song of Solomon 1:2; 2:6; 4:9)

6) in family will be an example and instructor winning the hearts of the children to the Lord, (Mt 19:14; Mk 10:14; Mal 3:5; 4:6; Eph 6:4; Col 3:21; 1 Tim 3:4; Titus 1:6; 2:4; 1Jn 3:18; 2Jn 1:1, 4; 3Jn 1:4)

7) and in community will seek the well-being of the widow, the fatherless and the poor. (Deut 26:12; Isa 1:17; Zech 7:10; Psa 41:1; 82:3; 112:8-10; Mal 4:6; Gal 2:10)

Remember that this woman is not of low-value but of high-value for she was bought with a very high price by the blood of Jesus. (1 Cor 6:20; 7:23; 1Pe 1:18; Rev 5:9) You do not get a slave, (1 Cor 7:22) you do not get a dis-honorable wretch (2 Cor 6:14) — you get a child of the High King. As a Christian she is only suitable for a 'noble man', i.e. another godly child of the King! (Rom 6:18, 22; 1Pe 2:9; 1Jn 1:5, 9)

Purity before and during marriage includes personal holiness and integrity. (Php 4:8, Heb 12:14) Have you been and will you, with God's help, continue to grow more and more to be a noble man?

"Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God." (1Cor 6:9-11; 5:11-13)